For those of you out there between the ages of 27-45, there’s a good chance (statistically speaking) that you have a void in your heart, whether you actively recognize it or not. Perhaps your life has accelerated to that point of no return known as the “Mortgage, Family, and Career” Trifecta, as mine has. While the Trifecta itself is not a bad thing (actually it’s pretty awesome), it is definitely not the most conducive lifestyle for my personal vice, video games. And, if you’re like me, you will probably agree that They Just Don’t Make ‘Em Like They Used To.
That’s the void, ladies and gentlemen.
Close, but not exactly. Think “Hole In My Soul“ by your friend Aerosmith
You may find yourself excitedly binge-buying games on Steam or in the bargain-bin at Walmart, only to neglect the games and deny them their only desire in their poor digital lives… to find their matching soul-byte, get hitched, install into a nice, secure directory with some decent front-facing landscaping, and be played with, by you. Instead, you just let it sit there, collecting metaphorical or perhaps literal dust. Do you feel guilty now? Not even a little? Well then shame on you.
Or maybe you do install it, only to find that the gameplay is the same as the last 15 games you’ve tried, just with different textures and slightly different voiceovers, or it is riddled with the evil micro-transaction cancer known well to gamers. Or perhaps they dev team was forced to invest too much time into the graphics (because corporate knows all gamers just want shinies! moar shinies!), and not enough into actually making the game not suck. Or maybe it’s a good game, but it just doesn’t feel “right”, and after some lengthy meditative zen sessions and some serious self-reflection, you conclude you simply aren’t able to get excited about games like you were in your younger years.
Well, in my professional psychological diagnosis, which is based on absolutely no credentials whatsoever, only one of two things could be happening:
(1) You have subconsciously built a mental defense due to your destructive addiction to video games which you developed in your formative years, in order to retain your hard-earned status as a productive member of society and to never return to your
days months existing on a menu complete with twigs, tapwater, and Ramen Noodles (on special occasions).
(2) You miss the games which started it all. The glorious, shiny, 8 and 16-bit games which were pure character. No flashy textures, just nitty, gritty, non-shitty fun. If I said the words “Final Fantasy III”, or “Super Metroid”, or “Sonic the Hedgehog”, do you feel slightly aroused? Does your heart yearn with regret about days gone past? What about “Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past” or “Super Mario World”? If those titles don’t seduce you with their siren song, or at least make you miss the glory years of console gaming, then I’m sorry, I cannot help you. You should probably go back to Farmville… your oats or whatever are probably being eaten by your neighbor’s pigs or something.
Yeah, good luck with that. And yes, I’ve blocked you for all eternity.
If you have decided that you fall under Category 2 (above), good news! I have a cure for your itch, old friend. No no, NOT that one (sick, dude)… the mental one. I can show you the way to reclaim your blissfully ignorant youth and
all some of your passion for games long since conquered and perhaps forgotten.
The price? $35 ($55 if you add two SNES controllers)
The Time? 2-3 hours
The Value? ∞
Interested? Click here to continue reading on Page 2.